What's your message?

Miley Cyrus has lately stirred things globally following her twerking performance gone bad. Why the entire world has randomly erupted with shock and outrage at this isolated display is absurd. This is merely a drop in the ocean. The rate of collective moral degeneration and cultural rot is alarming to say the least. Women in particular have assented to objectification and general degradation . Why else would a 20 year old socialite with good cash flow and a previously good name agree to twerk on a stage of fully packed MTV awards' audience? Not for money and obviously not in search of fame. The 21st century has seen women shed clothes faster than the snake sheds its skin. Music videos, entertainment clubs and even the streets are now flooded with females scantily dressed. Whatever happened to the rest of the material; as my grandmother fondly asked when I once visited her dressed in a halter neck. Clearly she doesn't have cable TV, because then she would have known that I was in fact overdressed compared !!!

That the artist on stage with Miley ; Robin Thicke, was a fully grown,  36 year old husband and father infuriates me more. Correct me if I am wrong, but I have known most if not all men to be very protective of their daughters. The jokes on fathers' overprotective nature towards their daughters that do their rounds on social networks affirm this fact. There is always some truth behind every joke. 

Let me share the lyrics to the  hit song 'Blurred lines' that these two were dancing to:

OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you

But you’re an animal, baby, it’s in your nature

Just let me liberate you

I know you want it

I know you want it

I know you want it

You’re a good girl

Can’t let it get past me

You’re far from plastic

Talk about getting blasted

What do we need steam for

You the hottest bitch in this place

I feel so lucky

Hey, hey, hey

You wanna hug me

Now call me old fashioned or whatever you want to brand me today but this is utter rubbish!!! 'You are the hottest bitch in this place' ? Seriously whoever listens to garbage like this!!! As if that's not enough, the person facing crucification is.......... drums roll----------> the female. The man in question ? Gets a pass; like boss!! I am disgusted, disappointed and utterly dismayed by this. 

We grumble every day about men objectifying women, yet with our actions in a quest to attract them we lead them to the same. And attract we do. Show any man some flesh and you have his undivided attention; but don't wait for the ring.  What you ask for is what you get. Don't ever confuse lust for love. Those two will never be related!! So today as you dress up to go out with the girls, take a second look in the mirror. What are you wearing? What image of you are you portraying? What message are you sending out? Don't go twerking all over town and later whimper that men don't take you seriously! It's like planting wheat and expecting a good harvest of maize. Respect yourself, this will in turn guide your morals. 

Lets all collectively strive to eradicate the moral decay eating at us!

Seek and Ye Shall Find

" I am scared if I complain or try to address it I will lose him. " This is a statement that I have been hearing more than a lot recently from both friends and acquaintances. Now ladies, first things first we are in the 21st century where we rule the world. That's right; we rule both as mothers and partners then let the men claim the credit. Why on earth we settle in relationships still baffles me. We have read tons of articles written by knowledgable sociologists, social psychologists et al. We have sat in ladies' breakfasts more times than we could count, watched our friends go down this road and still in the privacy of our thoughts we have this insane fear of expressing our expectations! We hear yet we don't listen!!!

We let men bully us into thinking that if we put our feet down and state our expectations in the relationship, we are being nagging. This 'nagging' means being yourself. This 'nag' should be the person he falls in love with, not the perfect version you think he needs. You can't not be 'nagging' and be happy in the relationship. A relationship is about two people who are happy together not just one person making the other happy. 

If a man cares about you , sees you in his future family photo and doesn't regard you as his Vegas girl, he will roll up his sleeves and put in the effort. You've gotta have standards and principles you live on. You can't camouflage every time you get into a new relationship to suit his tailored needs. If he can't live up to your standards, let him go. If you claim to love him and yourself at that, you will let him go seek his happiness while you do the same. Why settle in a relationship where your needs aren't being met yet you slave daily to make sure his are fully furnished ? Isn't that a thing of the far past? 

If you can't take care of yourself my dear then who will? If you can't find the courage to walk away and seek your true happiness why would you even claim to want that happiness? 

I recently had a conversation with a friend who was in this dilemma. She knew very well her man was cheating, yet she was very sure he would change. In addition she found it very tiring to start a new relationship. Instead, she thought it wiser to salvage this one. How ? Was the question I asked wide-eyed. One can never teach an old dog new tricks. One of my favorite quotes by T. Harv Eker states, 'To move to a new level in your life, you must break through your comfort zone and do things that are not comfortable. ' This is a quote that guides me in many aspects of my life; relationships included. Not only romantic relationships, but friendships as well. 

If you claim to want happiness you must be ready to get out there and seek it tirelessly. DO NOT SETTLE. Don't let the man:woman statistics get into your head. Life has no guarantees, hence we can't guarantee you will find him  but if you settle now, I  can guarantee you will never find him!!!!

Now get out of that tiny box you have confined yourself in and be the creation God set you out to be. Let them love you for who you are, not for the person they want you to be !!! That's how we live our lives !!!

Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Let's love!!!

Today was one of those days I extended my evening shower to an hour long because it was just one of those days you need such. As I stood under the much invigorating  spray, my mind wandered to an incident that I thought to share today. I was standing in line for my morning coffee on a cold June morning and this guy standing behind me said, "excuse me miss but I thought I should tell you, I really like your fragrance. " Aha, all you ladies know the feeling I got too well. While doing cart wheels on the inside I replied, " thank you" and carried on queuing in silence, save for the cartwheels still going on in my head :). When my turn to order came, the man followed behind me and offered to pay for my coffee and did one better, he put in the sugar and cream for me. 

At this point my cartwheeling stopped and was replaced by rolling of eyes on the inside . I thought I already knew where this was headed, so I started coming up with 1000 excuses  to give when this went where I thought it was going. I am sure you all pretty much know where that is by now. Well guess what? Shame on all of us!! Me first!! This man handed me my coffee, paid for it,  wished me a good day, complemented my fragrance one more time and walked away!!! No way!!!! He didn't ask for my number, or the cliche can we get together for coffee or any other of those lines that just leave you tired. He just walked away !!! 

I stood there for a minute jaw on floor dumbfounded, with mixed feelings of ouch ( hellooo) and wow ( gentlemen still exist!!?!!). This man; total stranger at that,had no motive whatsoever. He was simply appreciating a fellow human being; who happened to be female. Brightening someone's day early in the morning with coffee and a complement to go with it. And boy wasn't my day made!!! 

In the perverse times we are living in, we are almost too used to 'too good to be true' to an extent that we don't expect any good deed without a hidden motive. This has in turn discouraged even those who intended to show kindness and made them shy from being overly kind to strangers. For those who have been reading my blogs, remember the blog on knight? Well currently my great friend, knight was on that night very skeptical of taking the drink I got him. Why? Girls don't just buy guys drinks without a motive. Well now he knows I had no motive but that night was another story. 

Slowly but surely, we are eroding the communistic norm of Africa and going the individualistic way. Gone are the days we were our 'brothers keeper ' instead it's now ' every man for himself'. Gone are the days where if we ran out of salt at night we would confidently go to the neighbor next door with a bowl and get some. In our quest for westernization we are losing a very important virtue that Africa has always boasted ; UBUNTU ( kindness to one another; not only those you know but strangers as well ). 

Think about this today as you live your lives. A kind act as simple as a compliment will cost you nothing but it might brighten someone's day in such a way that they will remember months or even years to come. I can promise you I am not forgetting that coffee anytime soon. My mother taught me as a young child ' you reap what you sow '. That has been revealed to me in so many different ways,  many times in my life. She was right of course as all mothers are. If we all started showing kindness to one another, paying attention to fellow human beings amidst our busy schedules imagine what life would be like. Just try and show kindness to at least one person a day. Try do something for one person that they will never be able to pay you back. Brighten people's day with a smile, a hug ( yours could be the only hug they get on a day they need it the most), a gift, a note or a complement; the list is endless. The best things in life are free my loved ones. Give today without expecting anything in return. Just love, and let those you love know that they are loved every chance you get. YES, even your mother who knows all too well that you adore her, remind her everyday that she is awesome!!! Lets all go the UBUNTU way, Lets start an UBUNTU fever and May everybody catch it!!!!!!

This is one of the best ways to live our lives!!! 

Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier ~ Mother Teresa. 

Live life!!!!

I was a little bit more excited than usual to travel home this year. The news that my nephew was constantly calling out for aunty,obviously had something to do with the excitement that kept building into a volcano with each mile the plane covered. That he called me before calling his parents was no doubt something to go home and gloat about. I always wear a permanent smile every time I travel home, but this time i grinned sheepishly throughout the journey. Spending tym wit my family is what I live for :). 

As we flew over Mt. Kilimanjaro, I looked down in awe. For the very first time I paid attention to the beautiful landscape my beautiful country boasts. Having grown up in a farm at the foot of Mt. Kenya, I had over time taken for granted the beauty and serenity that comes with life outside the city. So here I was, staring down together with tourists who'd come to tour my country as if I was seeing it for the first time in my life. I laughed at myself inwardly, mentally slapped myself twice and started writing this piece. I absolutely have no excuse not to have discovered the beauty I was flying over being that it wasn't the first, second or even third time I was making this trip. God forbid but had I died the day before, I would never have taken in this beauty presenting itself to me now. Why? One answer ; I had never paid attention. 

This little revelation got me thinking, how much more have I overlooked? How much more do I take for granted? My little introspection bore fruits that I am too ashamed to share because its a bit too much. Not only on things that I might have missed, but also those I have, yet take for granted. Glad to have caught this in time, I have recently taken to appreciating every single thing in my life. Telling those I love how I feel every chance I get and living life out loud like its my last, because you just never know. Reality of it is, it could be!! Love life, live it as you live your life today!!!!