Security Begins With You.

Last weekend's attack on our prestigious Westgate mall left many of us bitter and thirsty for information and answers. In the past three days, I have perhaps read more scholarly journals on terrorism and profiling than I have ever cared to. Why? It hit very close to home this time. My sister and I have a habit of hanging out in this particular mall being it is an 'all under one roof'. It saves us a lot of walking around. This incident left us both shaken and our hearts bleeding for the victims and their families. As my friend told me today, "it could have easily been one of us."

Looking at people's comments and updates in various social networks, I couldn't help but notice the ignorance many of us find ourselves in as far as security matters are concerned. Some of us: openly expressing our newly acquired fears - this in turn fuels the terrorists efforts in perpetrating such crimes as clearly their objectives have been met. 

Others : happily sharing photos of our security personnel. How will the same security officer manage to nab or investigate a terrorist tomorrow undetected. 

Yet others falling prey to the various handles on twitter boosting the criminal's egos. 

Even without reading any literature, these are actions- that if we thought before carrying out-  we would find reckless to our own safety and that of others. 

Another thing that came to my attention watching an interview this morning, is how oblivious we as a nation are to what is happening around us. We could be as well be living next to the most sought after criminal and not know it. Think about this for a moment. Do you know all of your neighbours and what they do? Do you take a minute out of your busy schedule to carry a pie to your new neighbours to welcome them to the neighbourhood and form friendships? I am not one to talk. I have previously and firmly believed in minding my own business. Not anymore. It is the high time we became vigilant. It is the high time we cared about what is happening around us. This simple act could save thousands of lives. 

Take a few minutes to read profiling journals, attend any available trainings. Learn what things and behaviours to deem suspicious. Let's all be prepared should (God forbid) such a thing ever be planned to befall us. Who knows? You could be the one to protect our beautiful nation from such a selfish, tragic attack by noticing the tiniest of things. My loved ones, your instincts will never fail you. They are innately built to protect you. Let this painful experience fuel our zeal to learn. 

My deepest condolences to all those who lost their loved ones in this truculent attack perpetrated by implacable enemies whose sole aim is to cause pain and spread the hate and conflict they experience within themselves. We are a loving nation. Our togetherness is not hinged on tribe, race or religion. #WeAreOne!!

The only source of knowledge is experience ~ Albert Einstein

My Dear Daughter.

Following my recent posts, someone asked me, "Daphyne, if you had a daughter, what would you advise her? " in response to her I wrote the words below. This I dedicate to my best friend's daughter who gives me the warmest hugs. I love you Chel: 

My dear daughter, 

Always remember to define beauty correctly.

Beauty isn't skin deep, beauty lies in your character,

Beauty isn't in dressing, in your heart is where it's beheld.

Beauty isn't in the amount of make- up you wear, 

It's  in the kind words you share and the way you care.

Beauty is a fragile gift, don't ever be an ego-tripper,

And there is always beauty, that lies in imperfection.

My dear daughter, 

Spare a smile for your neighbour, and your enemy alike,

Remember to forgive, vengeance is for the wicked.

Always give whole heartedly, not as part of a trade, 

Receive without forgetting, gratitude is always a virtue.

In humility lies wisdom,  feeble-minded portray pride,

Always wear your dignity, your most precious garment. 

As you climb the ladder of success, be greatful not proud,

Respect to others, will always command you the same.

My dear daughter, 

Failures will befall you, but they won't ever trap you,

If you take them as lessons, and a chance to start over.

Believe in your decisions, but always stand to be corrected,

There is strength in unity, don't seek to be an island.

Don't ever feel inferior, the world is yours to conquer , 

Remember to explore, travel is part of experience .

Face every day with courage, every obstacle with wit,

Find beauty in your dreams, and pursue them tirelessly.

My dear daughter, 

When he says he loves you, remember to discern,

For most will mean lustful, not all will be sheep.

Wait not for him to complete you, you are self sufficient,

So don't lose yourself,  but allow him to complement you.

Remember to nurture him, he'll always be the first son,

Work on your relationship, let failure at it not be an option.

But know when to walk away, you have an obligation to yourself,

Let no man undermine you, you are the best girl there ever was.

My dear daughter,

When you get your own daughter, teach her the same,

For the same was instilled in me, by those before me.

Hold her fathers hand, and teach her to love another,

Look into her eager eyes, and create in her benevolence.

Remember I will always love you, regardless of the outcome,

I will always be your safe haven, as long as I breathe.

My beautiful daughter, let these words be a promise.

What's your message?

Miley Cyrus has lately stirred things globally following her twerking performance gone bad. Why the entire world has randomly erupted with shock and outrage at this isolated display is absurd. This is merely a drop in the ocean. The rate of collective moral degeneration and cultural rot is alarming to say the least. Women in particular have assented to objectification and general degradation . Why else would a 20 year old socialite with good cash flow and a previously good name agree to twerk on a stage of fully packed MTV awards' audience? Not for money and obviously not in search of fame. The 21st century has seen women shed clothes faster than the snake sheds its skin. Music videos, entertainment clubs and even the streets are now flooded with females scantily dressed. Whatever happened to the rest of the material; as my grandmother fondly asked when I once visited her dressed in a halter neck. Clearly she doesn't have cable TV, because then she would have known that I was in fact overdressed compared !!!

That the artist on stage with Miley ; Robin Thicke, was a fully grown,  36 year old husband and father infuriates me more. Correct me if I am wrong, but I have known most if not all men to be very protective of their daughters. The jokes on fathers' overprotective nature towards their daughters that do their rounds on social networks affirm this fact. There is always some truth behind every joke. 

Let me share the lyrics to the  hit song 'Blurred lines' that these two were dancing to:

OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you

But you’re an animal, baby, it’s in your nature

Just let me liberate you

I know you want it

I know you want it

I know you want it

You’re a good girl

Can’t let it get past me

You’re far from plastic

Talk about getting blasted

What do we need steam for

You the hottest bitch in this place

I feel so lucky

Hey, hey, hey

You wanna hug me

Now call me old fashioned or whatever you want to brand me today but this is utter rubbish!!! 'You are the hottest bitch in this place' ? Seriously whoever listens to garbage like this!!! As if that's not enough, the person facing crucification is.......... drums roll----------> the female. The man in question ? Gets a pass; like boss!! I am disgusted, disappointed and utterly dismayed by this. 

We grumble every day about men objectifying women, yet with our actions in a quest to attract them we lead them to the same. And attract we do. Show any man some flesh and you have his undivided attention; but don't wait for the ring.  What you ask for is what you get. Don't ever confuse lust for love. Those two will never be related!! So today as you dress up to go out with the girls, take a second look in the mirror. What are you wearing? What image of you are you portraying? What message are you sending out? Don't go twerking all over town and later whimper that men don't take you seriously! It's like planting wheat and expecting a good harvest of maize. Respect yourself, this will in turn guide your morals. 

Lets all collectively strive to eradicate the moral decay eating at us!

Seek and Ye Shall Find

" I am scared if I complain or try to address it I will lose him. " This is a statement that I have been hearing more than a lot recently from both friends and acquaintances. Now ladies, first things first we are in the 21st century where we rule the world. That's right; we rule both as mothers and partners then let the men claim the credit. Why on earth we settle in relationships still baffles me. We have read tons of articles written by knowledgable sociologists, social psychologists et al. We have sat in ladies' breakfasts more times than we could count, watched our friends go down this road and still in the privacy of our thoughts we have this insane fear of expressing our expectations! We hear yet we don't listen!!!

We let men bully us into thinking that if we put our feet down and state our expectations in the relationship, we are being nagging. This 'nagging' means being yourself. This 'nag' should be the person he falls in love with, not the perfect version you think he needs. You can't not be 'nagging' and be happy in the relationship. A relationship is about two people who are happy together not just one person making the other happy. 

If a man cares about you , sees you in his future family photo and doesn't regard you as his Vegas girl, he will roll up his sleeves and put in the effort. You've gotta have standards and principles you live on. You can't camouflage every time you get into a new relationship to suit his tailored needs. If he can't live up to your standards, let him go. If you claim to love him and yourself at that, you will let him go seek his happiness while you do the same. Why settle in a relationship where your needs aren't being met yet you slave daily to make sure his are fully furnished ? Isn't that a thing of the far past? 

If you can't take care of yourself my dear then who will? If you can't find the courage to walk away and seek your true happiness why would you even claim to want that happiness? 

I recently had a conversation with a friend who was in this dilemma. She knew very well her man was cheating, yet she was very sure he would change. In addition she found it very tiring to start a new relationship. Instead, she thought it wiser to salvage this one. How ? Was the question I asked wide-eyed. One can never teach an old dog new tricks. One of my favorite quotes by T. Harv Eker states, 'To move to a new level in your life, you must break through your comfort zone and do things that are not comfortable. ' This is a quote that guides me in many aspects of my life; relationships included. Not only romantic relationships, but friendships as well. 

If you claim to want happiness you must be ready to get out there and seek it tirelessly. DO NOT SETTLE. Don't let the man:woman statistics get into your head. Life has no guarantees, hence we can't guarantee you will find him  but if you settle now, I  can guarantee you will never find him!!!!

Now get out of that tiny box you have confined yourself in and be the creation God set you out to be. Let them love you for who you are, not for the person they want you to be !!! That's how we live our lives !!!

Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Let's love!!!

Today was one of those days I extended my evening shower to an hour long because it was just one of those days you need such. As I stood under the much invigorating  spray, my mind wandered to an incident that I thought to share today. I was standing in line for my morning coffee on a cold June morning and this guy standing behind me said, "excuse me miss but I thought I should tell you, I really like your fragrance. " Aha, all you ladies know the feeling I got too well. While doing cart wheels on the inside I replied, " thank you" and carried on queuing in silence, save for the cartwheels still going on in my head :). When my turn to order came, the man followed behind me and offered to pay for my coffee and did one better, he put in the sugar and cream for me. 

At this point my cartwheeling stopped and was replaced by rolling of eyes on the inside . I thought I already knew where this was headed, so I started coming up with 1000 excuses  to give when this went where I thought it was going. I am sure you all pretty much know where that is by now. Well guess what? Shame on all of us!! Me first!! This man handed me my coffee, paid for it,  wished me a good day, complemented my fragrance one more time and walked away!!! No way!!!! He didn't ask for my number, or the cliche can we get together for coffee or any other of those lines that just leave you tired. He just walked away !!! 

I stood there for a minute jaw on floor dumbfounded, with mixed feelings of ouch ( hellooo) and wow ( gentlemen still exist!!?!!). This man; total stranger at that,had no motive whatsoever. He was simply appreciating a fellow human being; who happened to be female. Brightening someone's day early in the morning with coffee and a complement to go with it. And boy wasn't my day made!!! 

In the perverse times we are living in, we are almost too used to 'too good to be true' to an extent that we don't expect any good deed without a hidden motive. This has in turn discouraged even those who intended to show kindness and made them shy from being overly kind to strangers. For those who have been reading my blogs, remember the blog on knight? Well currently my great friend, knight was on that night very skeptical of taking the drink I got him. Why? Girls don't just buy guys drinks without a motive. Well now he knows I had no motive but that night was another story. 

Slowly but surely, we are eroding the communistic norm of Africa and going the individualistic way. Gone are the days we were our 'brothers keeper ' instead it's now ' every man for himself'. Gone are the days where if we ran out of salt at night we would confidently go to the neighbor next door with a bowl and get some. In our quest for westernization we are losing a very important virtue that Africa has always boasted ; UBUNTU ( kindness to one another; not only those you know but strangers as well ). 

Think about this today as you live your lives. A kind act as simple as a compliment will cost you nothing but it might brighten someone's day in such a way that they will remember months or even years to come. I can promise you I am not forgetting that coffee anytime soon. My mother taught me as a young child ' you reap what you sow '. That has been revealed to me in so many different ways,  many times in my life. She was right of course as all mothers are. If we all started showing kindness to one another, paying attention to fellow human beings amidst our busy schedules imagine what life would be like. Just try and show kindness to at least one person a day. Try do something for one person that they will never be able to pay you back. Brighten people's day with a smile, a hug ( yours could be the only hug they get on a day they need it the most), a gift, a note or a complement; the list is endless. The best things in life are free my loved ones. Give today without expecting anything in return. Just love, and let those you love know that they are loved every chance you get. YES, even your mother who knows all too well that you adore her, remind her everyday that she is awesome!!! Lets all go the UBUNTU way, Lets start an UBUNTU fever and May everybody catch it!!!!!!

This is one of the best ways to live our lives!!! 

Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier ~ Mother Teresa. 

Live life!!!!

I was a little bit more excited than usual to travel home this year. The news that my nephew was constantly calling out for aunty,obviously had something to do with the excitement that kept building into a volcano with each mile the plane covered. That he called me before calling his parents was no doubt something to go home and gloat about. I always wear a permanent smile every time I travel home, but this time i grinned sheepishly throughout the journey. Spending tym wit my family is what I live for :). 

As we flew over Mt. Kilimanjaro, I looked down in awe. For the very first time I paid attention to the beautiful landscape my beautiful country boasts. Having grown up in a farm at the foot of Mt. Kenya, I had over time taken for granted the beauty and serenity that comes with life outside the city. So here I was, staring down together with tourists who'd come to tour my country as if I was seeing it for the first time in my life. I laughed at myself inwardly, mentally slapped myself twice and started writing this piece. I absolutely have no excuse not to have discovered the beauty I was flying over being that it wasn't the first, second or even third time I was making this trip. God forbid but had I died the day before, I would never have taken in this beauty presenting itself to me now. Why? One answer ; I had never paid attention. 

This little revelation got me thinking, how much more have I overlooked? How much more do I take for granted? My little introspection bore fruits that I am too ashamed to share because its a bit too much. Not only on things that I might have missed, but also those I have, yet take for granted. Glad to have caught this in time, I have recently taken to appreciating every single thing in my life. Telling those I love how I feel every chance I get and living life out loud like its my last, because you just never know. Reality of it is, it could be!! Love life, live it as you live your life today!!!!

Be The Change!!!

Having had a very challenging not to mention nerve wrecking week, my friend and I decided a forbidden lunch from a fast food place would serve as the much needed therapy.  So we did just that, because we can :). As we downed our billions of calories ( at least that's how it felt with each bite), a little boy aged about 8 yrs approached us holding what turned out to be one of those fraudulent Sunday school  forms. Before u frown and judge me for calling them fraudulent, remember I have been here a while now so I am properly acculturated and can tell genuine from fraud like a boss :). It turns out some of these kids are given those forms by their parents who stay at home drinking to come collect money. A big shame on those adults who in this winter cold send out their kids to the streets to beg. Shame on you!!! These kids are supposed to be at school kindling their hopes of a bright future. Back to my encounter, I told the little one that I knew it wasn't genuine hence I wasn't going to contribute. He didn't  budge, instead in a small voice he said, " could you then please buy me something to eat?" That's when I looked at the kid properly. His lower lip was bleeding from what looked like he had had a beating and he genuinely looked hungry. My heart sunk.My maternal instincts flared. I just wanted to hug him and take him home for a warm meal and judging from the look on her face, my friend shared the feeling. Because taking him home wasn't a feasible option, we got him a meal instead. 

Why am I blogging about this child? He has been on my mind since. He isn't the first child or person I have met asking for change, but this particular incident for some reason left me feeling impotent. Having fed him that afternoon was obviously a drop in the ocean, because he is only a statistic in the times we are living in. As we engage vigorously in the fight against HIV, cancer awareness and campaigns against drugs, I feel we have shifted our focus to some extent if not completely from the hungry and homeless. Perhaps we have become so accustomed to seeing them, that our compassion for them has dwindled. The few benevolent souls left are not enough to efface this asperity we are facing. The few Coins we hand them or the grants are hardly enough for their basic needs in these hard economic times. I can't quite place a finger on what more needs to be done beyond empowerment and opportunity creation already in motion (which in my opinion is not enough),  but I believe we all in our different ways have what it takes to make a change. 

As you live your life today, spare a thought for those not so privileged and in your own way try to make a permanent change in a single life; because you can. Think beyond giving the coins. We are the youth they were waiting for. Lets be the change we want to see in our world. It is far from impossible. 

We can't help everyone, but everyone can help someone ~ Ronald Reagan 

Art Of Hearts

I am stupefied ,by the autonomy of my feelings.

By the intensity of my thoughts. Thoughts bewildered by my emotions.

Do they mirror in my eyes. 

Do you hear them echo in my voice?

Are they depicted in the gentleness of my mannerisms?

Are my efforts to suppress them betrayed?

Can u see my lips shy away from yours?

Can u feel my heart fight to capture the passion in yours?

Can u hear my voice whisper your name in the dimness of the world?

Can u see my eyes search for yours in this crowd that consumes me?

Thoughts of having you near make my heart burst, my palms sweat, my breath quickens.

As if about to run from a wild beast but the only thing in front of me is you.

The only thing that frightens me, is you.

You who have the authority to destroy the sanity within my mind.

The only one who can bring my very soul peace yet cause the serenity to crumble into chaos.

Within an instant of seeing your eyes, my every fibre is filled with the need to escape yet the want to be captured.

Bound in your arms as if my very essence depended on your touch.

My entirety wants nothing more than to tell you, ney shake you, fight you and yet deny you the pleasure of being my capture.

With every passing day the thought of you weakens yet when I stand in your glowing presence everything is merely melted away.

The past becomes a distant history, the present is nothing but that moment and the future once again looks bright.

However once you leave and I realize what has transpired and what the present really entails, 

Every atom of the earth crumbles once more and the realization of the reality causes such pain, no drug can ever cure.

The only relief is a blade that slices through the flesh of the hopes and dreams, once held by a child who would pray and wish on every star. 

The blade that now lies beside a broken and shattered fairytale, whose very ideal is bleeding from the fragments.

And after all of this I am still stupefied by the existence of feeling. 

I am still mesmerized by the unadulterated love in my heart for you.

The butterfly story.

She was getting better, 

She almost had it together,

But then came along a reminiscence, 

A threat to her progress,

A ripper of her new beginnings.

She faltered, she almost hit the ground,

Then she remembered her worth,

She remembered her mission,

To rid herself of her past, 

To escape her ghosts, her unhappiness .

So she retreated to her small world,

Her beautiful serene bubble,

Where all was sane, all was safe,

Where all things made sense, 

Her safety net, just for a while.

Like a butterfly, she emerged a beauty,

Out came a Vibrant, rejuvenated soul,

She came out stronger, Ready to face it all,

She said it to be the beginning of an era,

She proclaimed a champion had been born,

She chose to Live her life !!!!!!

Life's lesson?? No??

Remember the first day u looked at me,

The warmth in your eyes, the smile on your lips,

The static in your touch, the mellow of your voice,

An epic encounter, a beautiful beginning .

The racing of my heart matched yours,

The rawness of my want was a mimic of yours,

I felt our hearts lock, and  I knew right then you were the one,

I knew that very moment I had found my missing piece. 

I thought you felt it too, when you took my hand,

And Led me into an adventure,  that built a nest in my mind.

I thought then that we had it solid, that we were now US,

That we were the cast, to a beautiful script.

But It was all a fallacy, nothing but empty promises ,

Now I lay here  in complete anguish, in the bitter cold,

Yearning ,crying hoping to God that u come back,

Yet wanting you gone, crushed for the pain u caused me.

Where did we go wrong, where did we lose our footing?

Our hands were each others' gloves, our laughters were real,

Was it just but a dream,  or a game of hearts with no rules,

Or are you the lesson, life warned me about?

Hearts speak, So listen!!!

I know I shouldn't think about you,

I know I am putting myself up for hurt,

But I Can’t help it,

I can't hold my feelings back,

I can't train my heart on what to want.

When u look at me all stands still,

I am blown away by your intensity,

When u hold my hand I freeze, I stall.

I am powerless to squeeze it,

Let u know how I feel.

I am too weak to lift it to my lips,

Brush it with a tender kiss,

I simply malfunction.

I keep my feelings hidden,

But restraint has never been easy,

Each feeling fights so hard,

By the gates to burst open.

In words emotions find escape,

So in the tranquility of the night I write.

In my words I feel passion,

Slowly seep through my fingers.

In my words escapes the sentiments,

I am so compelled to enunciate,

Yet bound behind the walls of my fear.

I am scared I will hurt again,

I am scared for my heart.

It's been broken before, 

It's got scars on it.

I am not sure how much more pain it could take.

I am not sure it could take pain inflicted by u.

Because you are the one person I want to kiss them healed.

I wish I could be girl enough and show it.

But bear with me my spell,

I am too scared to try,

Too scared to risk it.

But I await you to take my hand,

And tell me it will be okay,

That we will be fine,

That my dreams aren’t empty,

That we won't cry.

I await you to take my hand,

And bring it to your lips,

And never let it go.

But,

If you won't hold it forever, 

Please don't take it,

Because like I have said before,

 I don't think my heart would survive another scar,

Especially one inflicted by you.